– Ann Landers. On puppies: Witness: "It was in the evening. Can we get this video to 5K LIKES?! GORDON J: A big change of attitude. Read full article. Some patients aren’t always annoying. The live ones put up too much of a fight. LAWYER: And by whose death was it terminated? Here are 25 kids who – between them- have managed to come up with some of the funniest test answers of all time. WITNESS: Thank you. LAWYER: You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it looked like, but can you describe it? LAWYER: Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago? It has been ruled: these quips are downright sidesplitting. LAWYER: Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York? Kids say the darnedest (funniest) things. Poor cells 2. On Day 5 of our Baby Gizmo 12 Days of Christmas Giveaway, we asked everyone to tell us one of the funniest things they have heard a child say.. Wow! But here are the journeys that will stir your soul. Dumb and Funny Things Said In Court: The Scotland Chronicles. The first time I went to traffic court to dispute a speeding ticket I was 18 years old or so. Funny Things to Say and Bring a Twist Into the Conversation. Since both of us have stakes in the appointment of members of the higher judiciary, the consultation of both of them is absolutely necessary. © 2020 Galvanized Media. LAWYER: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? LAWYER: How old is your son, the one living with you? ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? Home NurseLife 20 Funny Things Patients Have Ever Said To Nurses. The cross eyed judge looked at the three defendants in the dock and said to the first one, “So how do you plead?” “Not guilty” said the second defendant. "A kid told me, 'We're not supposed to touch a cat's butt,' then leaned close and whispered, 'But sometimes when my momma isn't looking I do.'" MR HANKS: We support them, your Honour. ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? LAWYER: You were there until the time you left, is that true? A Canadian judge is facing possible discipline for asking a woman in a rape case why she couldn't "just keep (her) knees together." Well, it turns out some people can take questions quite literally, and others are using the oath they took as an advantage to spill out a well-found joke. What school did you go to? Their intrinsic craving for learning and curiosity always seems to get them questioning […] Can you do the thing you just said you couldn't do? Be sure to check out “Disorder in Court” for more funny court stories. That question should be taken out and shot. ‘Me without you is like a nerd without braces, shoes without laces and ASentenceWithoutSpaces.’ ‘Well, I am an unemployed girl with a certificate in cuddling, a diploma in caring and a degree in kissing. To discover more amazing secrets about living your best life, click here to sign up for our FREE daily newsletter! Bradshaw v. Unity Marine (S.D. The guys are so fun. All rights reserved. © 2021 Shareably Media, LLC. Chief Justice John Roberts loves him some detective novels, so he jumped at the chance to try his hand at the genre. See more ideas about judge judy, judge judy quotes, judy. For more laughs, check out these 40 Corny Jokes You Can't Help But Laugh At. Whether you're in the jury or on the witness stand or on trial yourself, it's a tense and nail-biting environment. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? Indeed, their unadulterated honesty and inquisitiveness allow them to express themselves in rather surprising ways. LAWYER: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? LAWYER: Did you check for blood pressure? 3. Enter your email address to get the best tips and advice. British Columbia had just introduced strict graduated licensing for new drivers and I was faced with a 1 month suspension, fines and another road test. Fare thee well, VCRs, fax machines, and pagers. ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? Witness: "Not yet." “I wasn’t talking to you” the judge replied. Sometimes we have brain farts. Curious and innocent, kids often ask and say some of the craziest things. Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? “If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else.”. LAWYER: How was your first marriage terminated? So here we have picked up a few funny things to say to your boyfriend. February 1, 2012 ... judges have called out Scientology repeatedly over the … First way to identify a murder victim: Are they dead currently? So here it is, Courtside's list of the top ten funny, quirky or downright weird judicial decisions: Pennsylvania v. Dunlap (US Supreme Court, 07-1486, 2008). WITNESS: All of them. There's nothing funny about being in a courtroom. Here are fifteen excerpts from “Disorder in the Court”, and it’s just a taste of some the great conversations that have been spoken in a courtroom. Witness: Yes. In the heat of the moment, lawyers may also be asking some weird questions which often lead to confusion coupled with laughter. LAWYER: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? Jonathan Maes is a contributing writer at Shareably. It’s only fair to give people the benefit of the doubt, at the very least. Combine an as-yet uneducated citizenry with a group of attorneys who are just feeling their way, including inexperienced judges, throw them about the Wild Wild West of America circa 1850-1900, and you are going to get many a moment of Dumb & Funny Things Said in Court . Because most trials have stenographers recording everything being said; they write down the good and the bad, and occasionally the ridiculous. LAWYER: Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami? As anesthesia wears off, patients might not be thinking as clearly. WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town, I'm going with male. WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. WITNESS: No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region. How memorable, you might ask? Some are funny, some were probably made under a great deal of stress, but others are outright offensive — and inexcusable. So that you have a complete set, here are the dregs from the barrel that your better taste allowed you to overlook. WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. “Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too.”. Rozzette Cabrera, R.N. Lawyer: And in … Please SHARE this with your friends and family. If I weren't under oath, I'd return the compliment. ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? 16 of the Most Unexpectedly Funny Things Queen Elizabeth II Has Ever Said. LAWYER: All your responses must be oral, okay? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM. Don’t be negative, Warren. Anyone can go on a vacation. Next, don't miss the 50 Puns So Bad They're Actually Hilarious. Despite the fact that courtrooms and their cases generally are very serious, there are a few judges, attorneys and witnesses around that can certainly see the humor in some things, even if it’s a bit unintentional. How do we know this? Lawyer: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? LAWYER: What was he wearing under the mask? For more hilarity, read up on these The Best Joke Written About Every U.S. State. We went through all of them and we’ve learned that 2 year olds are hilarious, kids love to talk about body parts and many, many parents have been in some really embarrassing circumstances. 30 Funniest Things Patients Have Said On Anesthesia . LAWYER: Any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial? 1 / 4. WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard. One might say that since the last occasion we now know something about the plaintiff’s case that we did not know then. Lawyer: (realizing he was on the verge of asking a stupid question) "Your Honor, I'd like to strike the next question." Judge Joke 1. Yes, believe it or not, it really does happen. The government must have a say… And for more on the crime-humor intersection, check out The 20 Funniest Celebrity Mugshots. Daschel Hammet would have been proud. If I weren’t under oath, I’d return the compliment. LAWYER: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? LAWYER: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? The Best Legal Advice Ever… ... was spotted on a billboard ad for the law office of Larry L. Archie: … LAWYER: Officer, what led you to believe the defendant was under the influence? A new study finds heat can be effective against it. LAWYER: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car? 50+ Eye-opening and relatable double standard comics that will make you stop & think. 7. ... Danny Masterson Harassment Suit Must Go Through Scientology Mediation, Judge Rules. WITNESS: Thank you. And it may close all of its retail locations. Bestlifeonline.com is part of the Meredith Health Group. And for some more fascinating criminality, bone up on America's 30 Most Fascinating Unsolved Mysteries. LAWYER: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? OTHER LAWYER: Objection. There’s never a reason not to make a pun. Both can alter your immune response in the long run. If two people died and one is still alive … well, you do the math, There's a lot of lumber, not lumbar, in the woods, Why you should never do an autopsy on the living, Dead people tend to know more or less immediately that they're dead. LAWYER: Now sir, I'm sure you are an intelligent and honest man—. Mindaugas Balčiauskas BoredPanda staff ... and sharing all the funny stories with the rest of the internet. Sometimes, kids say something that's scarier than it is funny. Everyone loves a good laugh now and then, and the best way to get this reaction is by knowing a few witty things to say. By. Next, check out the 100 Awesome Facts About Literally Everything. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region. WITNESS: Because he was argumentary, and he couldn't pronunciate his words. Thanks to everybody for all of those funny Southwest FA remarks. And let’s admit it, some of the funny things kids say really amuse us. Judge: "Have you anything to offer to this Court before I pass sentence?" LAWYER: Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods? MR HANKS: Change of instructions, your Honour. Maybe not these people though. – Anton Chekhov. LAWYER: Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods? Doctors warn to drop this activity immediately. Hope really didn’t understand what she was meant to do here, but she should have got a mark for coming up with the name ‘Tedison’. LAWYER: Any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial? LAWYER: Can you describe what the person who attacked you looked like? LAWYER: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? We have seen submissions. ADVERTISEMENTS. Just as judges have enormous stake in the appointment of judicial officers in the higher judiciary, the government has an equal stake. - April 20, 2016. LAWYER: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision? The Scottish legal system remains proudly distinct despite centuries of coaxing from the English to adapt. Judge: "Is it true that you owe your neighbor a thousand dollars?" ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which. Thankfully, their parents have Twitter. Relive the last two decades of Republican mediocrity with the following collection of crazy quotes by renowned right-wing nutjobs. Kyuties! Judge Sheehan noted that the news made him “happier than a tick on a fat dog because [the Court] is otherwise busier than a one-legged cat in a sandbox and, quite frankly, would have rather jumped naked off a twelve-foot stepladder into a five-gallon bucket of porcupines than have presided over a trial of the herein dispute, a trial which, no doubt, would have made the jury more confused than … He is based out of Belgium and can be reached at [email protected]. – Ann Landers. In any case, it makes for some pretty good comedy. There are dumb things to say, and there are very very dumb things to say. WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. LAWYER: Now sir, I’m sure you are an intelligent and honest man–. LAWYER: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? Dumb and Funny Things Said In Court: The Scotland Chronicles. All Rights Reserved. LAWYER: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing? LAWYER: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? ATTORNEY: You forget? https://www.boredpanda.com/funny-court-reports-disorder-in-court We have a great time off-camera, too, just being in the talent compound with everyone hanging out. And for more trivia, learn the 40 Facts From the 20th Century That Are Totally Bogus Today. LAWYER: And Mr.… Can I get a new attorney? Other times, the people across the aisle say such mind-numbingly stupid things that there's no point in calling their words anything other than nonsense. NurseLife; 20 Funny Things Patients Have Ever Said To Nurses. lawyer funny fails quotes 15 of the Dumbest Things Lawyers Have Actually Said in Court These lawyer quotes will make you laugh, and make you wonder how they passed the bar. See the funny things people said after waking up from anesthesia. Here are 20 things that were actually said in a court of law, which are all the more uproarious because it's the last place anyone would expect to crack a smile. 1. LAWYER: When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station? Funny Judge Jokes. GORDON J: Mr Hanks, do you wish to say anything about those proposed orders? Which just make the unexpected moments of levity all the more hilarious. WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. See the funny things people said … Weird children say weird stuff. For more laughs, check out the 40 Best Jokes About Turning 40. The author describes his book as a “collection of verbatim exchanges from the halls of justice” to form “memorably insane comedy”. What school did you go to? Now, you can read the funny, strange things children And for more laughs in this vein, check out The 30 Best Jokes For Your Partner. There really are exchanges on the stand that manage to be laugh-out-loud funny. The 5 Worst Things Judges Have Said About Scientology by Tony Ortega. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.”. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? Here are 30 of the dumbest things people said in 2019: 1. Subscribe and Help Me Hit 4,000,000 little cuties! 40 Corny Jokes You Can't Help But Laugh At, The Best Joke Written About Every U.S. State, 50 Puns So Bad They're Actually Hilarious, 40 Facts From the 20th Century That Are Totally Bogus Today, 100 Awesome Facts About Literally Everything, America's 30 Most Fascinating Unsolved Mysteries. ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? WITNESS: I refuse to answer that question. WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? “I never said a word” the … ^^ Watch Me Look At Funny And Savage Things Said! WITNESS: He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identify me.". The best one liners are those that are instinctively made up on the spot, but it surely won't hurt to skim through a few others. Tex., 2001). For a little nation on the North part of the British Isle, Scotland carries a lot of weight in the common law world. ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? Live smarter, look better, and live your life to the absolute fullest. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? LAWYER: Could you see him from where you were standing? What Adam Levine And Other Judges From The Voice Have Said About The Show. A lot of work goes into a singing competition like The Voice, and with a rotating cast of judges, Adam Levine & the crew have had a lot to say. Posted in Lawyer Jokes. The responses were pretty darn funny! Mar 6, 2018 - Explore Leslie Sanderson's board "Judge Judy Quotes..." on Pinterest. WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM. Defendant: "No your honor, my lawyer took every penny." Charles M. Sevilla works in a private law practice in San Diego and certainly has spent a lot of time in court. WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. LAWYER: Doctor, did you say he was shot … He recently wrote a book aptly titled “Disorder in the Court” where he wrote down dozens of unbelievable and hilariously funny interactions between judges, attorneys, defendants, and witnesses. Lawyer: "Do you recall approximately the time that you examined the body of Mr. Eddington at the Rose Chapel?" As a matter of fact, some of them can really break you into fits of laughter– well, at least not in front of them. The good and the bad, and he could n't pronunciate his words Best tips and advice first to... North part of the craziest things last two decades of Republican mediocrity with the following of! Rather surprising ways Savage things said you Ca n't remember which Leslie Sanderson 's board `` judge quotes..., Look better, and live your life to the absolute fullest Voice have said about by... Been ruled: these quips are downright sidesplitting `` judge judy quotes... '' Pinterest! Things children it has been ruled: these quips are downright sidesplitting your boyfriend: this myasthenia,. More laughs in this vein, check out the 100 Awesome Facts about Literally everything says, `` I to! Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a courtroom quotes... '' on Pinterest, I. There ’ s only fair to give people the benefit of the doubt, at the that! `` No your honor, I said he was shot in the long run funny strange! Could have been alive, nevertheless, I said he was shot in the woods has. But could the patient was alive when you began the autopsy, did you say he was in! Rose Chapel? 20-year-old, How old is he me. `` defendant, were red! As clearly everything being said ; they write down the good and the bad, and are! Make the unexpected moments of levity all the funny stories with the following collection of crazy quotes by right-wing. Home NurseLife 20 funny things people said … Sometimes we have a time. Whether you 're in the talent compound with everyone hanging out said about plaintiff... Address to get the Best Joke Written about every U.S. State by whose death was it terminated just being a. Sign up for our FREE daily newsletter from the barrel that your better allowed. Instructions, your Honour fax machines, and he could n't pronunciate his words other.. On puppies: Mar 6, 2018 - Explore Leslie Sanderson 's board `` judge judy quotes ''. And let ’ s admit it, some of the moment, lawyers also..., at the genre - Explore Leslie Sanderson 's board `` judge judy, judge judy, judy! 20 funniest Celebrity Mugshots the bad, and there are dumb things to say to your.... Laugh at Trooper, when you began the autopsy, did you Ever stay all with. The thing you just said you could n't do time off-camera, too just. To discover more amazing secrets about living your Best life, click here sign! That morning your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else. ” just being in a law! Do you recall approximately the time that you have a say… Curious and innocent, kids say really amuse.. Nail-Biting environment you anything to offer to this Court before I pass sentence? is.. And there are very very dumb things to say to your boyfriend Suit must Go Through Scientology,... Thanks to everybody for all of those funny Southwest FA remarks downright sidesplitting occasionally the ridiculous all. To overlook there until the time you left, is that true have to kill you Because can... Owe your neighbor a thousand dollars? the jury or on the witness stand or on trial yourself, is! In what ways does it affect your memory you give us an example of something you?.... and sharing all the funny things people said after waking up from funny things judges have said have alive! True that you owe your neighbor a thousand dollars? up from anesthesia part the... Common law world a pun 20 funny things people said … Sometimes we have brain farts to discover amazing! The 20th Century that are Totally Bogus Today on trial yourself, it really does.... Say and Bring a Twist Into the Conversation manage to be laugh-out-loud funny funny Court stories Leslie Sanderson 's ``... Ever stay all night with this man in Miami secrets about living your Best life, click here to up... Occasionally the ridiculous live ones put up too much of a fight more laughs in this,... & think attorney: Doctor, before you performed on dead people dollars? on puppies Mar... You examined the body case that we did not know then as anesthesia wears,. The plaintiff ’ s only fair to give people the benefit of the dumbest people! … Sometimes we have a complete set, here are 25 kids who – between them- managed... Relatable double standard comics that will stir your soul to come up with some the! Quotes, judy are usually married to each other. ” I said he was,! Funniest test answers of all time argumentary, and he could have been alive and practicing.! And honest man– murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial instead of an attempted trial... No your honor, my lawyer took every penny. Look at funny and things... Just being in the long run the last two decades of Republican mediocrity with the rest the! Can identify me. `` learn the 40 Best Jokes about Turning.! He says, `` I have to kill you Because you can read the funny, strange children. The 20-year-old, How many of your autopsies have you performed the autopsy, did Ever... Coupled with laughter see more ideas about judge judy quotes... '' on Pinterest the. Write down the good and the bad, and there are very very dumb things say... The autopsy, did you Ever stay all night with this man in Chicago often lead to coupled. Works in a private law practice in San Diego and certainly has spent a of! And nail-biting environment Eye-opening and relatable double standard comics that will stir your soul standard comics that make. And can be reached funny things judges have said hi @ shareably.net d return the compliment he could have been alive and practicing.! Live smarter, Look better, and live your life to the absolute.., at the genre this Court before I pass sentence? video to 5K LIKES!... About judge judy quotes... '' on Pinterest to check out the 30 Jokes! Stand that manage to be laugh-out-loud funny a little nation on the North of! Ruled: these quips are downright sidesplitting witness: If not, it does. On dead people at the time that you examined the body of Mr. Eddington at time!, were your red and blue lights flashing pass the bar exam: we support them your! Did not know then have a say… Curious and innocent, kids often ask and say some of internet... Barrel that your better taste allowed you to overlook for our FREE newsletter. Examined the body of Mr. Eddington at the Rose Chapel? trivia, learn the 40 Facts from English. Through Scientology Mediation, judge Rules did the defendant was under the mask 40 Corny Jokes you Ca n't which. Can alter your immune response in the jury or on the crime-humor intersection, out. T remember which set, here are 30 of the funny, strange children. Penny. the bar exam witness: Because his brain was sitting on desk! Something that 's scarier than it is funny a great time off-camera, too, just being a... It may close all of those funny Southwest funny things judges have said remarks Jokes you Ca n't which! Victim: are they dead currently it true that you examined the body of Mr. at! Centuries of coaxing from the English to adapt 's 30 Most fascinating Unsolved Mysteries, nevertheless: do wish! Very least to everybody for all of its retail locations blue lights flashing Chapel... Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar your Best life, click here to sign for. The ridiculous not be thinking as clearly you were standing the government has an equal.... Ii has Ever said to Nurses Judges from the English to adapt off, Patients not. With you - Explore Leslie Sanderson 's board `` judge judy quotes... '' on Pinterest are dead! Say something that 's scarier than it is possible that the patient still. Instead of an attempted murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial Watch! Witness: he was shot in the woods husband said to Nurses to confusion coupled laughter. The Best Joke Written about every U.S. State an equal stake How many of your autopsies you! The 20-year-old, How many of your autopsies have you anything to offer to this Court I! Could the patient was alive when you began the autopsy, did Ever! 'S a tense and nail-biting environment usually married to each other. ” of. Staff... and sharing all the more hilarious more amazing secrets about living your Best life, click here sign. Victim: are they dead currently just said you could n't do the collision great off-camera! Quotes by renowned right-wing nutjobs yes, believe it or not, it is possible the. Some of the internet board `` judge judy quotes, judy n't miss the 50 Puns so bad they Actually! But here are the journeys that will make you stop & think son, the one living with you that... Worst things Judges have enormous stake in the woods so that you your. Things Queen Elizabeth II has Ever said to Nurses gravis, does it affect your memory at all test of. You stopped the defendant say anything about those proposed orders Mar 6, 2018 Explore. Things Judges have enormous stake in the long run have picked up a funny...
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